137 How Do I Recover After Being Fired?

How do I regain my confidence after being fired? How do I talk about being fired? Can I recover from being fired or is my career over? These are the questions we will answer in today's episode of Dev Questions.

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Dev Questions Podcast with Tim Corey. Join us each episode as we tackle the questions you are asking about a career in software development, understanding the industry, and new technology. If you're just starting out or you want to grow stronger as a developer, this is the place to get your questions answered. Now, here's your host, expert developer and online educator, Tim Corey.

SPEAKER_02 0:25

How to recover after being fired? This is a question I was asked on a suggestion site. I thought it would be a great one to tackle in today's episode of DevQuestions. Now, if you have a question, go to suggestions.imtimcorey.com and either upvote an existing question or ask your own question. Hopefully you'll see it answered in a future episode of DevQuestions. Now, this is a great question because it's one that we don't want to talk about. It's one that we want to just kind of hope never happens. And then if it does happen, we just feel horrible and feel alone because we don't want to talk about it. So let's talk about it. And the first thing we're gonna do when we talk about it is I want to talk about the time that I was fired as a senior software developer, not as you know, a rookie who was just stocking shelves at a grocery store. Nope. Um actually my boss loved me at that job. But I was fired as a senior software developer. So let's talk through how that worked and how I processed it. So, first off, the basic situation. I'm not gonna get into details, but the basics was that I was unhappy with a lot at that job. Um, when I was hired, I thought I was being hired for one role and it felt like I was being asked to do something different. And that made me unhappy. Where I got to work, I got to work into a big room with a whole bunch of people and a lot of distractions. I wasn't really happy with that either. The way they wanted me to work, it just didn't fit with how I liked to work. And so it ended up that I just started putting in my time where I would do as little work as possible. I would get in at the last minute and try and leave as soon as possible. I would try and take as many breaks as I could. I just wanted to get through the day. And you know what? That doesn't make for a great employee. And eventually my boss said, Hey, you know what? Let's have a meeting. And he said, Yeah, it's time. We're gonna go ahead and let you go. And that was shocking. And yet at the same time, I can say now that it was the best thing or one of the best things that ever happened to me in a job. So let's talk through how do you recover from being fired? Because a lot of times you put your stake, you put your self-worth, you put your uh idea of who you are into your job. And my job is who I am. Well, that's not terribly healthy, but it happens. And so when you're told you're fired, well, that tells you that you're not who you thought you were, you don't have that self-worth, and your identity goes away. So, how do you recover from that? Well, I have six steps to walk you through this. The first one is take time to be upset. You're going to be upset. You're going to be angry, frustrated, hurt, uh, feel sad, feel scared, and all these other emotions. Take time for that. Acknowledge the fact that you do feel that way. And don't just try and stuff it down. That's one of the things I do is I'm fine. You know, no, let's actually process this. And it's healthy to work through it and to think through it. However, there is a key part of this, and that is to do this privately. Now, I do not mean all on your own. You can do this with friends, you can do this with family, you can do this with a trusted person in your life. But don't do it on social media. Don't do it on a website. Don't put them on blast. Don't create TikTok videos about how horrible they are. Process your emotions first. Take time. Recover, move beyond that initial step of anger, frustration, fear, and all the rest. Don't do anything with social media at that point. Okay? Now, number two, identify where you were at fault. And that's gonna be hard because you're gonna be saying, oh, I really was deserving of that, if you find any fault of your own. Does not mean that you should have been fired. We're not talking about that. We're not we're not worrying about if it was just or unjust. At this point, you figure out where could I have done better? And then take ownership of that part. So it's gonna be hard. It's gonna feel like a betrayal of yourself in some ways by saying, oh, well, I really was that bad. Is that what you're saying? Just figure out where you were at fault. Because you were at fault somewhere, probably, most likely, 98% of the time, you were at fault somewhere. Now, there are absolutely cases where your boss fires you and they because of something somebody else did, or for a situation that you had no control over. We're not talking about that. But still trying to figure out where you were at fault and then take ownership for that part, whether it's a little bit or a lot, but be honest here. Because when it comes to getting a new job, you don't want nagging in the back of your brain, what if they fire me again? What if what if I again get called in the office and told you don't have a job anymore? If you don't process what part was my part, then you may take that part to the next job. And if you get fired again, then you're like, well, what what now? It's even worse. So make sure you figure out what you could have done differently, could have done better, take ownership for that part. Now, with that, also identify what was not your fault. In the case of being fired, it's almost always a two-party fault situation. It's almost always both sides have something to improve on. Both sides need to improve. Now, your goal here is not to say, okay, that was your fault. I'm gonna call you on that, you are wrong here. Because you don't really call on that yourself. You don't want them saying, and you were wrong here. I've got the screenshots to prove it. Don't, you don't want to be there. Okay. So instead, when you identify what was not your fault, the next step is let it go. This is hard. This is all hard. But when you identify, hey, you know what? I was I was doing this, and my boss blamed me for something somebody else did, that wasn't my fault. Now, I could have communicated better. My boss could have, you know, known what I was doing because I could have kept them in the loop better. All these things you could have done, those were your fault. You could take ownership of those things. But if you were fired for what somebody else did and that part wasn't your fault, or that piece of it wasn't your fault, identify it, but then let it go. Because if you take that with you, and if you hold on to that and it, you let it eat at you, which is what it will do, then all of a sudden you are hurting yourself. You are bringing that pain with you. You are allowing that pain to make you bad or worse at your next job. You make it let or let it become something where it makes you bitter. And that hurts you. It doesn't hurt the person that you probably want to hurt in some ways, which is the person who fired you, the reason you got fired. Instead, it hurts you. So let it go. And then finally, step number six is reaffirm who you are. Now, you have to be honest here. If you say, I am the best software developer ever, that's not honest, that's not true, and it's going to get you into trouble. But if you say, I'm good at this, I am good at that, I am very good in these areas, I have skills here that I can bring wisdom to the table for an employer. This is where I am great. And if you affirm who you are and you say, I can I do these things well, that will really help you because it will rebuild who you are. It will help you to say, hey, you know what? Maybe I messed up, even in my best area, but I've taken ownership of that and I'm gonna make that better. But either way, this is who I am. I am a good developer. I am a great database administrator, I am really good at these situations. And you reaffirm that, you help build yourself back up and you acknowledge this is where my strengths and weaknesses are. You know more about yourself. So with that, you can take that to the next job. Now, how do you get that next job now? Because you've got this spot in your resume. It feels like for you, it feels like there's a big black mark on your resume that everyone's looking at. And they're like, what's going on? When in reality, it's just I work here from this date to this date, and this is the things I did. You don't list and I got fired. You just put these are the dates. But when your employer asks you, or future employer asks you, well, why did you leave that company? Be honest about that situation. Don't try and cover it up. Don't say, well, that boss was a jerk. He was an idiot, didn't know what he was doing, and so I just stormed out of there one day. Guess what that makes your next employer think? Are they gonna storm out on me? Are they gonna call me an idiot? Are they really thinking right about this? And so it makes you actually less hirable. But if you say, you know what, they let me go. And and here's why. And be honest about it. You know what? I was putting my time in because I I didn't feel like it was a job I was hired to do. But then because of that, it kind of put me in neutral and I didn't get out of neutral and I should have. And so because of that, I kind of just plied along, and that wasn't what they hired me to do. And so they rightly let me go. And then discuss what I learned from this. I learned that I need to ask better questions about what job I do engage with. And I need to figure out if I'm getting stuck in neutral, that either I need to go myself or I need to figure out how to get out of that and talk with my employer about what's really going on, being honest about that instead of just ignoring the problem. And then you know to ask the right questions and say, you know what? I learned that when you when you say this in an interview, it might not always be what I expect. And if I hire on with you with the wrong expectations, it's gonna be frustrating. Frustrating for both of us. So here's the questions I've learned to ask to make sure that we're a good fit. And by being honest with that, that conversation and saying, here's what I have learned, here's how I've grown, and here's what I understand about myself and how I do best as an employee, and how I can change as an employee as well, you kind of make it much more likely that that employer is gonna be wanting to hire you. Because as an employer, when a person says to me, This is what I know about myself, this is how I best work, and these this is where I struggle. And I know that, and here's how I work to get better at that. I know, well, if I'm hiring them for what they're good at, that's great. And if I'm trying to hire them for what they struggle at, that's not gonna be good for them, and it's not gonna be good for me. So we can both mutually understand that's not the right job for you. So it allows for a much better uh conversation, a much better outcome from that. And it may mean that you don't get hired at a job. But that may be a great thing because I really should not have stuck around at that job. I shouldn't have been there. But if I had not learned the lessons, I would go back to another situation like that and have the same problem over again. So let's talk about how I did. So I went through this and then I got another job. And it was the best job I've ever had. I've had good jobs, I've had great jobs. This was the best job I've ever had, the best employer I'd ever worked for. My pay increased 25%, but that wasn't even the reason why I was great. I worked less hours, I had more vacation time, I had zero commute as a remote job, and I had employers and coworkers that I loved to hang out with, I loved to work with and work for. I was happy with my job. Where I before I was miserable but putting the time in. Now I was happy, and by the way, getting paid more and doing less. So it was a great situation. And actually, the job I was hired for at the place where I was fired, well, I was doing that same type of work at this new employer. The difference was I was actually doing it, and it was a better situation. All of a sudden, now it wasn't a matter of I can't do this. It was a matter of it wasn't the right spot for me. This new one is the right spot for me, and it was great. I'm still friends with my former employer who, you know, best job I've ever had, best employers I've ever had, best owners. And so it was a great situation. Now, I will be candid here too. I was on the advisory board for a college with the boss who fired me. And that's kind of awkward, right? Well, it turns out that when you don't just put that person on blast, when you don't just get angry and frustrated and, you know, when you acknowledge the fact that, yeah, I could have done things better. And yeah, I shouldn't have been there. And yeah, you did things wrong too, but I'm gonna let that go. When you do that, you can actually have a good relationship with that person. And in fact, we do. Um, I consider him a friend. And so we still keep in touch once in a while. He still watches some of the videos. He might be even be watching now, hey. Um, but that's because you can handle this better. And you can succeed, you can grow and you can thrive out of being fired. But you have to think through and handle it properly. Work through the steps, work through the process, and be humble about it. All right. So that's my advice for what to do when you've been fired, how to pick up the pieces afterwards. Thanks for listening, and as always, I am Tim Corey.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

Thank you for joining us for this episode of Dev Questions. Tim is committed to making it easier for you to become a developer. If you would like to help make more content like this possible, please like, subscribe, rate, and share Dev Questions. You can also send your questions to questions at IamTimcorey.com. Until next time, remember, you are too smart and your time too valuable to waste it making all the mistakes Tim did. When you're ready to learn to think and code like a professional developer, head over to Iamtimcorey.com and enroll in a course.